Its a new day... sigh.... I didn't sleep well at all... and I'm so very tired... and emotionally on edge still! I can't believe it! Still yes I know! I'm a disaster and I know it! My body hurts from lifting catologs yesterday.. Oh my legs hurt so bad every inch of them.. And it doesn't help that I feel like I'm going to puke.. But maybe that would help! I sure as hell wish I knew! I do know that I have to surivive this trip somehow and hopefully my side kick will provide that survival for me... sometimes you need help to survive from insanity don't get me wrong I love my grandma and my grandpa dearly... however they are hard people to love because they not as emotional as I am and they don't understand that its important to talk to people about something other then there trip sacross the world.. Like how's life going.. Ur garden how about church... grandpa how's ur bikes how do they ride.. Been on any rides latley.. Etc.. Yes I ask all these questions.. And then they love to complain.. And be uptight.. Its so annoying....... its for sure not what I wish they were.. I wish they could justbe yunderstanding and loving... and then they wouldn't be them I guess.. I do love them I do... I just don't get along well with them... words hurt especially when said how she says them and so d my step moms words.. I don't want to hear it.. So don't tell me.. Can't everyone just get along.. In a nice polite setting! Jeez is it soooo hard to just be nice for awhile.. Oh I have no doubt she thinks she's being polite.. By giving me a backhanded compliment.. It doesn't work that way for me! I don't like backhanded compliments I rather not be complimented at all.. Keep you thoughts to yourself... that's what I think.. I'm sorry I'm so undecided about this trip... I can't breathe right now.. I need space.. So I can just be me! Room to brethe air that clenses and restores for once! If only I had the time I would! Sorry to any that read this... I haven't bee myself in ages not that I know who that is anymore I suspect she's somewhere where there are no stresses and life is good.. Ill be that person again one day.. Once I get past whatever this is... and I will I have no doubt of that! It'll be back to happy me! Anyways ill probably be back later... that's not for sure.. Bright spot in day.f mom very graciously and mom like paid to let me download 20 songs on my ipod! That was fun!