mostly chatter....

Have u ever felt like ur being a pain in the butt... that u bother people to much and that u really ought to leave them alone but u don't really have any contact with people outside of work... and that u just want to talk about anything.. For goodness sakes the weather... or something.. But damit I'm not interesting.. I haven't got a thing that's worth while to say so why say it right.. But I say hi to everyone once inawhile.. And some more then most.... but really if they wanted to talk to me I guess they'd come to me.. Everytime I I.M someone or pm someone or call someone or text someone I think ooo but what if I'm bothering them.... obviously I.M is easier to deal with because the person can simply say there busy or something and can't talk. Emailing is harder cause its not exactly easy to write about something in which there is no direct back and forth emailing.. Talking to someone over the phone.. Ohh even harder because u have randome ackward silences.. And just don't know what to say.. I have the same problem talking to my dad... I feel like I have to keep talking so I ramble on.. And if I don't we have these really long ackward silences.. That just bugs the heck out of me... honestly its so much easier to just get lost in the world of reading books. Perferably ones I enjoy immensley good old romantic books where the guy gets the girl and they fall in love.. Books yes these ones are simply predictable.. And easy to read.... and easy to just loose yourself in.. I haven't got to worry about what I'm going to say next or do next.. I can simply loose myself in the book and the nonreality of it all.. That nothing really matter at all anymore...in fact if there was a job where I read for 8 hours a day a book to read.. I would do it because I love reading so much and getting lost in the book.. Its like stepping into another world... where my past present and futures do not matter only matters is the words on the page and what they say.. Blissful non reality where worries don't exist ya know what I mean.. Ok well this is pretty all much chatter... got a lot on my mind.. And I'm just a bit tired.. Sigh... its going to be a long week... and I can already feel those damned tears comming up...