Ok well you know when you just ready to explode... and things are just eating at you.. And you just can't help but cry and u just breaking down over stupid things... well me and my family just got in a huge fight... and so I just went walking to cool down.. It didn't help I just need to go somewhere else and cry.. Ya know sit on a bench and cry my heart out till I'm done until its all out and I can't cry no more because its getting to be to much! Honestly I nearly cried when my manager was talking to me about something really stupid that happened.. And I needed to make sure it didn't happen again and I was nearly crying!! Even I was like why the heck am I crying.. Well I know why I'm crying.. Just I shouldn't get upset.. And of course my mom is like what's wrong... somethings wrong and ur notsaying anything... and I'm like well why would I its not ur problems.. Its mine and I'm not going to add my to urs there mine to take care of not yours.. Which sucks cause its all pretty much finacial stuff which I can't really take care of on my own at this point well I can I just have to keep putting stuff like bills on the back burner till I can pay them... which I don't know how I'm going to finish paying them off if I have everything else to pay off.. And this trip is not helping.. Just stress after stress is adding up and I can't help but cry.. Because its all I can take not to cry... I know this is alll randome stuff.. Just chatter.. But seriously... sometimes.. When I feel like I can't take it anymore I feel like I'd rather not take it anymore... it gets to that point where I'd rather end it all then rather take another step... its hard to explain exactly what goes through my mind... but that thought gets through just fine... and sometimes its enticing like it lingers.. Its never happened though when I was a teenager I tried.. Half hearted attempts though.. Nothing serious.. And right now I'm too level headed to do that or even attempt it.. A wuss most likely.. I don't enjoy pain or any thought of it.. And I have a great fear of heights and I know to attempts of by friends that just ended up in pain... how I want to die... in my sleep.. Very quietly with my husband holding my hand or someone I love with me... anyways.. That's just thoughts that crossed my mind tonight... I'm sorry Master I will post this on the Org as well I will have to do that task when I get back from my trip... all will be well in the morning light... I hope whoever reads this that your week is going well and that ur smiling... :) one thing that God created that I absolutely with out a doubt love is a smile a really big enviting smile... u don't know what a smile can do for someone it can warm a persons day right up.. Or it can even make someone smile right back! So give someone a smile... and remember to smile for yourself.. And maybe think of something secret and naughty.. And have a great week!