So this week especially tonight this is a day I will probably forget but right now its a day of ah ha.. You know that moment u go Oh and the light bulb goes on. I realized that I've lost my passion for life its not that I purposefely lost its just got lost o me somewhere in me I know its there but its hard to express what I mwan. I feel right now at this moment that I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm supposed to be going... I know what I want to do as in carrear but everything else.. I don't know anymore its not there... and its almost like it doesn't matter and I'm not kidding... that feeling like uve been fullfilled and what not like u have something driving u... I haven't got that.. I don't know why... wait maybe I do I let it get that way I haven't strived for anything that is hard or not.. I've long ince a few months ago decided that work is not hard... its easy and I'm no longer making it hard.. Its easier to just let it roll forward... I let that block drop usually our worst critic is ourself... I realized that I have friends people who are there to talk with me if I need it.. And if ur one of the people that are always there u know who u are... thankyou... and I'm always here for you always.. Just say something I'm always willing to talk to help to give advice.. its when I'm helping someone move through whatever there going through do I feel like I'm doing anything worthwhile no matter the problem... but moving on I need to find that passion again that drive that ive never tottally had though I'm not sure how I get there... or how I will move forward from now on.. My basic insticnt right now is to curl up at home and stay there... to not leave my house become a house hermit.. But fortuantley that is not a possiblility for me... not even close to possible because I have to work ... because well I have bills to pay so ya... being a hermit is impossible.. But I fel like I just want to stay home... less embarrassing I don't know... I think ill come back and write more later maybe an epiphany will happen!