Do you ever wonder why your just waiting.. Sitting down stagnet stuck where you are.. I often wonder the same thing.. Why have I become so in active... so not particpatory.. I mean I could list reasons excuses.. Etc.. But I won't I know its because of my own laziness that I've gotten to be this way.. I need to find something to hold my attention... to keep me trained on one thing or even a few so I can keep moving forward and not feel like I'm moving back... I think the next step I need to take is to find a second job. Something a few hours a week part time and doesn't take to much time but keep me busy... I need busy movement I mean at my job we move we stand all day long.. but we are not always actively busy or doing anything.. Hmmm what to look for! Anyways.. Its like.. I need to talk to someone.. Someone who won't mind if I tell them the truth the whole truth ya know everything quite out in the open... like right now I feel sick I just ate, so why do I feel completley sick.. And like I want to throw up.. And I wonder if I'm going to get my period soon but I don't think so I just feel sick.. I am very afraid to go to the doctor for what they will say to me.. What if nothing is wrong then what the heck why do I feel like this... and then if something is wrong... how will I deal with the stress of that.... but hwat if nothing is wrong then I'm stressing for no reasons .. I know stupid right...