Well I was just thinking.. Ha that's what I always do.. Just think.. I can't help it and certainly can't stop it my minds always on over drive.. It never stops working! I have had some weird dreams latley there a bit disturbing.. Work dreams.. And then people trying to kill me dreams.. They scare me! Sometimes I'm afraid to go to sleep for fear I won't wake up.. Really nightmares.. Oh I have a Dom.. My Sir.. He's very sweet and nice.. And I'm slowly learning and that suites me just fine! He's patient and kind if always truthful to the core.. He won't ever lie to me this I know.. If I want a better oppinion I should never ask him because he will tell the truth! I don't think that's bad!
Anyways latley I've been in this zone.. In this I don't know what to do or where to go or move place.. Like I'm standing still and I can't make up my mind in which direction to move... but I'm almost content to be lost.. Because seriously what if I don't like myself! I mean I already don't.. To naive to fat to ugly those are negative oppinions there are parts of me I love like my eyes.. But everything else can change! I wouldn't mind! And I'm not lying to myself I look in the mirror and I don't know the person staring back at me... sometimes its depressing and sometimes ignorance is bliss.. But I can't do ignorance for long.. Its very rare I look and say I am happy with it all when deep down I'm not.. I'm working on changing that.. But its going to take some time... I hope ill be able to see the results cause everyone can say all they like but until I see the differnece its not going to matter one bit..I don't like being un happy its not an attractive appeal to anyone.. And its hell on the heart