I was just talking to a friend about. A mutural friend of ours... I asked if she would do me a favor because I didn't want to make this person mad...honestly I never know what mood this person is in because I haven't talked with her latley and because things have changed so I feel weird and outta place.. But anyways I bring up that because another thought came to mind..... If u were in a relationship but are no longer... How long do u need to get over it and let ur heart move on.... Part of me truly loves him.... And he is reading this and asking hoimself is she talking about me.. Yez you with ur little pup too.. I love him so much... I don't know how or why but I do... Part of me wants to give my whole self to him again and say I'm urs to use I'm here to serve you and only you.... But another part says but uve been broken hearted ocver this gyt now just move on... It was a good time but on to life now... Question is how long do I let it go on feelig that way with no closure... Ok maybe I'm over sensitive and just wanna make sure he is ok and make sure he's alright but part of me says just move on and though I have moved on I do miss him so...

Ok no kidding I'm sitting here in my car in a car parking lot space not doing anything well now I'm writting on here but feel a little crappy right now and a little tired to I might just go home and sleep....but I'm slightly hungryu but really tired and I really don't want to go home I know my mom will want me to do something and I'm really not in the mood....I love her lots but right now I think I just want to sleeeep...

the way i feel

so .... i have not written in here in a while... i think its hard now to write.. because when i do i remeber an important part of me that is not anymore existent and i dont think can be.. an important person is not part of my life..and it hurts alot... to just feel like your not cared for at all and that you were just left out... to let someone control you for so long its hard... then they dont respond to you.. its so cold... i dont know how to explain it.. im more hurt then i want to be i think.. i need to work on that.. not letting myself get hurt..

but moving on i cut my hair.. and i like it alot.. and i feel better now that i have done it.. and started to alter the way i live a little bit.. just a better way of life.. anyways.. i think im going to go now.. ttyl blog.. maybe even tomorrow ill hop on and write a bit!

Do you know the worst part about wanting a relationship and not having one because of distance... is that it falls apart... I always let myself get attached and I have to pull myself away and it becomes a very painful process.... but other then that I'm doing ok... I miss I'm just going to say you... I miss you... and you know who you are.... I miss you very much.. Even if you never talk to me again or want nothing to do with me... I will still always miss you.... and that I very much care about you.... and I think will always... just let me know you are ok....

Well moving on I stop being a member of the org today.... I withdrawled so much I didn't feel connected or use ful any more.. And there are so many memories there and I will miss it... but I guess life is leading in a new direction and I should probably lead where it takes me ... no matter where it is.. I hope I will still be able to have contact with the people at the org....and that even though I'm not a member there anymore that they will still talk to me...

Well I guess ill go now.. I don't usually like to ramble to much..... well sometimes I do.. But this is where I get all my talking out.. I don't do much of it in real life no matter how much I have the capability too.... off I go for now....