ok I'm seriosuly wondering if there is something wrong.. Last night ya I was doing some thinking.. I do do that from time to time... but anyways today I haven't done anything but watch tv and sleep and read... I work later on.. But really crying at the olympics.. Or at a story.. Or at a comercial u saw.. Come on now! Can't possibly be my period I just finished it! How can I have such an emotional period right now for no reason.. All the sudden a girl is getting her gold medal and I start tearing up! I keep saying to myself get ahold of yourself snap out of it.. But these tears won't go away! It so annoying! Oh well time to go to work soon! And I need to be tough! So ill be back..later!

mostly chatter....

Have u ever felt like ur being a pain in the butt... that u bother people to much and that u really ought to leave them alone but u don't really have any contact with people outside of work... and that u just want to talk about anything.. For goodness sakes the weather... or something.. But damit I'm not interesting.. I haven't got a thing that's worth while to say so why say it right.. But I say hi to everyone once inawhile.. And some more then most.... but really if they wanted to talk to me I guess they'd come to me.. Everytime I I.M someone or pm someone or call someone or text someone I think ooo but what if I'm bothering them.... obviously I.M is easier to deal with because the person can simply say there busy or something and can't talk. Emailing is harder cause its not exactly easy to write about something in which there is no direct back and forth emailing.. Talking to someone over the phone.. Ohh even harder because u have randome ackward silences.. And just don't know what to say.. I have the same problem talking to my dad... I feel like I have to keep talking so I ramble on.. And if I don't we have these really long ackward silences.. That just bugs the heck out of me... honestly its so much easier to just get lost in the world of reading books. Perferably ones I enjoy immensley good old romantic books where the guy gets the girl and they fall in love.. Books yes these ones are simply predictable.. And easy to read.... and easy to just loose yourself in.. I haven't got to worry about what I'm going to say next or do next.. I can simply loose myself in the book and the nonreality of it all.. That nothing really matter at all anymore...in fact if there was a job where I read for 8 hours a day a book to read.. I would do it because I love reading so much and getting lost in the book.. Its like stepping into another world... where my past present and futures do not matter only matters is the words on the page and what they say.. Blissful non reality where worries don't exist ya know what I mean.. Ok well this is pretty all much chatter... got a lot on my mind.. And I'm just a bit tired.. Sigh... its going to be a long week... and I can already feel those damned tears comming up...

days at the docs..

well..... ok i dont have much to say besides.. i wanna stop hurting... i think i have a bladder infection and i went to the drs today to check it out.. and it hurts sooo bad.. ok not sooo bad but bad enough.. and she put me on some medicine just incase i do have an infection and she wants me to get a physical done havent had one of those in awhile and well thats why she wants me to get one.. and so i will..b ut im not looking forward to it at all!! i do not like needles.. despite the fact that i like to play with them.. lol.. anyways.. my body hurt.. im going swiming tonight.. i dont know why. well i do because i need to work out without the physical stress of working out so swimming is a good compromise.. anyways.. thats my day.. and yet theres so much to it. but i need to go clean my leaving roo now.. the dog has made an absolute mess of it!!! off i go have a great week one and all!

this weeks stuff

This has been a long week for me my period came, my car got in a wreck... had a meeting ar work was kinda serious.. Ok was real serious.. We have new people starting tuesday... I have a new Master.. And that's exciting.. I'm hopeing it will expand and grow.. Each of us... this puts a change on my relationship with Him my Master.. My Sir my Love.... a spin a twist.. Its interesting and I can't wait to see where it leads us both... I want to grow in this relationship to try new things... to really trust and give and be open.. As I know he is and always have been I just want it to always continue that way.. I know this will be a learning experience for me.. A great big one... well see what happens.. I just wanna roll with it as it comes.. I'm going to try my best not to be to worried about things though I do so easily..... I can't wait to start and take another step... one at a time... to u my love.. One at a time and well see where it leads us.......... I'm also doin nick x task on display those are very intimate questions though I haven't been able to finish them just yet I'm working on it.. And that will see a little bit more of me.. Blush.. Smile.. Kiss ok well enough for now.. Got to get into work soon!

wow changes

wow changes.. big changes.. friend.. love.. and Master.. hmm yes interesting changes indeed..

Postions

positions to learn.. and practice..

Enemas

I will try

My week so far has been bloody hell!I started out on a marvelous note with creditors.. Yes creditors.. Bills I had forgotten.. No not on purpose just did so I started to pay them..and ya know what one thing I hate more then bills..is late bills that are my own damned fault when I have almost no money in the bank.and another thing I hate is having to ask for freaking finacial help just to make it through the month.. Or to go on vacation.. Because its a wedding.. A cousins.. I cannot miss it.. There my family of course ill be there.... but I had to ask for help nearly killed me.. But I did.. Actually it was offered in order to save me from asiking my grandparents which I do not like to do... anyways long story yada yada yada... and just yesterday or no day before I got in an auto accident.. Minor front fender bender not my fault... damn drivers do not hesitate when u make a descison stick with it! Jeez! Anyways I'm so tired.. I think ill go to bed and try and sleep! Oh and mother nature is visiting.. That just caps the week! Grrrr!!!!!!!!

oh so sick..

Well.. I don't know how I got to be the lucky one to get sick.. But I am... and I am possibly the worst sick person in the world! I mean attitude wise... just ignore any rude comments... I'm really not mean I swear it... my brother told me I had a bad attitude yesterday... well let me tell you something... you woke me out of a glorious nap to find something out and it was one of the few hours I've had to sleep in this last day... hell ya I'm going to be grumpy... I can't sleep.. For the life of me... I took stuff.. Ya know cold stuff.. That is ighttime that should make me and usually does fairly tired.. But still I cannot sleep... and I'm telling you me not sleeping is not good...I just want to be better.. On top of not sleeping I have to clean my room today... but I can't clean my room if I'm still all stuffed up and have a headache... everytime I bend over I see stars.. That is not ideal health to be in to clean my room... and my moms comming home.... and I have to clean up her room and do her sheets and stuff so she won't get sick because I've been staying in her room.. While mine is under contruction!!!! Be careful in my room hard hat area for sure.. And tripping hazard! Anyways..... ya and I'm not feel good.. It just doesn't boad well for the upcomming week in which I don't have till next friday off.. So I called out thursday have friday off go back to work saturday don't have till friday off.. If u followed that... anyways its going to be a long week! And I'm going to try and sleep now!