well I don't even know how to begin.. I was talking to someone the other day... I talk to someone every day lol.. And we were talking about love.... and how were both extremely loving people and we fall fast and hard without taking in the reality around us... and it occurs to me that I should be careful.. There are a lot of men out there who will take it for granted.. The one particular man I want live across usa and there's not a thing I can do about it...

But moving on... I am learning through words from others what submission really is...

Its not just about orgasms and kneeling for X amount of time.... its about giving urself to that person and doing as they request without hesitation... its submitting ur needs and desires before them and for them to pick them up and take care of them.... its where your heart is and also a lot of online is where you place that person... is it all about wheather I get to orgasm today or is about that it doesn't mattter if I gain my own pleasure as long as I am pleasing u I am happy and that is my pleasure...

I think I've kinda lost track of that.. Its not about me... its about my Master and that I do everything I am asked without hesitancy and only a desire to please him... like if he so desires for me to orgasm and that is pleasing him then that is what I will do.. Or if its cleaning up the living room without an attitude cause my Master so desires it to be done... even cleaning my room without complaining because if that's what my Master wants that is what he should get... my goal should be to make him pleased and happy and proud of his sub... and in turn for pleasing him I will be happy as well... I don't know if this makes sense.. But it does to me...

Im lost and confused
Im whole and new

Im crying
Im laugh

Im screaming
Im rejoycing

I feel like crap
Im like new

I don't really know
I think I really do

I'm not sure what to do

So many emotions
And not enough to do

Oh what to say oh what to do

There's not to much I can do

But,

I will keep trying
Pushing a steady forward pace
Always moving onward
Eventually I will win the race

I don't know where that came from but.. It sounds rhythmic even if it doesn't make sense :)

Well I haven't posted in awhile honestly I had forgotten about my blog completley... so things are moving nicley with my Master its going slowly and smoothly he decided I should take it easy since I'm having various problems in my stomach and so I'm hiss cum slut or just his slut period hehe...well here he calls gtg

I have officially yesterday started being a pee slut. My Master controls how I pee. Yesterday I was to pee on my hand. Today my first pee was to be peed on my hand and then licked up. The rest of the day I am to pee in a bowl.

These are new area to me. I don't usually pee and then taste my pee.but I did this morning. It tasted a little sweetish but not really... and it smelled awful. I did not like the taste nor the secent. But I liked it up as was required then promptly washed my hands... I am deffinetley not a fan of dirty hands! Anyways we'll see how the rest of the day turns out....

Oh yes and I must not forget... I need to carry a diaper in my purse with me at all times. I'm a bit embarrased by this and deffintley afraid if anyone will find out.. Hopefully not! But I might be randomly told to go and put my diaper on...mmm not sure how I feel about that.. Its an interesting step....

And now also on to a lesson in pain. For an hour today I am to have pegs on my nipples for 5 minutes and off for 10 minutes. When I have the pegs on I am to edge but I am under any circumstances not allowed to cum unless permission is given... ok well there is our new step forward.. What were trying out... I am happy to be doing this for my Master....and that my best will please him....

I'm soo pissed off right now.. I can't even stand it.. I was just fine but the minute mister know it all snaps his fingers I automatically have to fallow..I say screw him... then I get in trouble I've been verbally abused all day and made fun of and laughed at.. All day long.. Thanks to my ***ahdjshd brother.... good for nothing.... I'm so furious right now...I'm going to be sick if I'm not careful... crying to much and stuff... I'm so done... so done right now....

A Story to pleasure my Master

You graciously invited me on a week trip to a boat on lake michigan. I accepted gratefully I needed to get away, and you offered me a perfect opurtunity. I didn't know what was going to happen when we got up there but I figured you had it all planned out. You sent me an email the night before.

Dear slut,

You will be properly prepared to travel by me. You do not need to do a thing. Don't worry this is a stress free week for both you and I and I only want you to enjoy yourself. You may use the restroom when you get up but then its straight back to bed. I will use my key to come in. Just relax. Have a wonderfull evening see you tomorrow.

Love,

Master

I thought ohh well fun! You do know how to pamper me. I couldn't wait...

That night I didn't think I'd ever get to sleep but honestly it was the best sleep I had in ages. When I woke up I did indeed have to go to the bathroom. I followed your directions and made sure I only went to the bathroom and straight back to bed. I then promptly fell back asleep.

When I woke again it was to you stroking my hair very gentley. You were whispering come on my angel wake up its near noon and we need to get you ready for this week trip.

You pick me up in your arms and take me to the bathroom. You tell me this week you will follow all my directions your to be under my tottal control. Do you understand pet?"

"Yes Master I understand"

You then begin to undress me slowly touching my body with your fingers turning me on. Finally you dive a finger in my pussy and look at me with a big grin as I smile at you. "A bit horny this morning slut?" "yes Master... mmmm" you slowly work me up till I'm flushed and you stop I go to say something and u stick ur finger in my mouth and I automatically suck on it. You begin to talk to me working your finger in my pussy and then back to my mouth where I suck on it like a pacifier. You slowly rub your hand up and down my back and say"a few rules, you will not talk unless I give permission to talk. You will obey all orders and do what I ask of you. You will not touch yourself unless I give permission. Do you understand slut"my simple reply as always is "yes Master.""that's my girl. Now lets get you into the bath tub and get a shower going." You quickly undress and lift me up and set me in the tub and shut the doors when you walk in. You fix the water to just the appropriate tempeture and pull me under the water and give me a deep passionate kiss. You then turn me around and get my body and hair wet. You then set me on the seat that is built in and begin to wash my body as I sit there and blush as you run ur hands over my flesh. And use soap to massage my body while u wash me.

A Story to pleasure my Master

You graciously invited me on a week trip to a boat on lake michigan. I accepted gratefully I needed to get away, and you offered me a perfect opurtunity. I didn't know what was going to happen when we got up there but I figured you had it all planned out. You sent me an email the night before.

Dear slut,

You will be properly prepared to travel by me. You do not need to do a thing. Don't worry this is a stress free week for both you and I and I only want you to enjoy yourself. You may use the restroom when you get up but then its straight back to bed. I will use my key to come in. Just relax. Have a wonderfull evening see you tomorrow.

Love,

Master

I thought ohh well fun! You do know how to pamper me. I couldn't wait...

That night I didn't think I'd ever get to sleep but honestly it was the best sleep I had in ages. When I woke up I did indeed have to go to the bathroom. I followed your directions and made sure I only went to the bathroom and straight back to bed. I then promptly fell back asleep.

When I woke again it was to you stroking my hair very gentley. You were whispering come on my angel wake up its near noon and we need to get you ready for this week trip.

You pick me up in your arms and take me to the bathroom. You tell me this week you will follow all my directions your to be under my tottal control. Do you understand pet?"

"Yes Master I understand"

You then begin to undress me slowly touching my body with your fingers turning me on. Finally you dive a finger in my pussy and look at me with a big grin as I smile at you. "A bit horny this morning slut?" "yes Master... mmmm" you slowly work me up till I'm flushed and you stop I go to say something and u stick ur finger in my mouth and I automatically suck on it. You begin to talk to me working your finger in my pussy and then back to my mouth where I suck on it like a pacifier. You slowly rub your hand up and down my back and say"a few rules, you will not talk unless I give permission to talk. You will obey all orders and do what I ask of you. You will not touch yourself unless I give permission. Do you understand slut"my simple reply as always is "yes Master.""that's my girl. Now lets get you into the bath tub and get a shower going." You quickly undress and lift me up and set me in the tub and shut the doors when you walk in. You fix the water to just the appropriate tempeture and pull me under the water and give me a deep passionate kiss. You then turn me around and get my body and hair wet. You then set me on the seat that is built in and begin to wash my body as I sit there and blush as you run ur hands over my flesh. And use soap to massage my body while u wash me.

Its a new day... sigh.... I didn't sleep well at all... and I'm so very tired... and emotionally on edge still! I can't believe it! Still yes I know! I'm a disaster and I know it! My body hurts from lifting catologs yesterday.. Oh my legs hurt so bad every inch of them.. And it doesn't help that I feel like I'm going to puke.. But maybe that would help! I sure as hell wish I knew! I do know that I have to surivive this trip somehow and hopefully my side kick will provide that survival for me... sometimes you need help to survive from insanity don't get me wrong I love my grandma and my grandpa dearly... however they are hard people to love because they not as emotional as I am and they don't understand that its important to talk to people about something other then there trip sacross the world.. Like how's life going.. Ur garden how about church... grandpa how's ur bikes how do they ride.. Been on any rides latley.. Etc.. Yes I ask all these questions.. And then they love to complain.. And be uptight.. Its so annoying....... its for sure not what I wish they were.. I wish they could justbe yunderstanding and loving... and then they wouldn't be them I guess.. I do love them I do... I just don't get along well with them... words hurt especially when said how she says them and so d my step moms words.. I don't want to hear it.. So don't tell me.. Can't everyone just get along.. In a nice polite setting! Jeez is it soooo hard to just be nice for awhile.. Oh I have no doubt she thinks she's being polite.. By giving me a backhanded compliment.. It doesn't work that way for me! I don't like backhanded compliments I rather not be complimented at all.. Keep you thoughts to yourself... that's what I think.. I'm sorry I'm so undecided about this trip... I can't breathe right now.. I need space.. So I can just be me! Room to brethe air that clenses and restores for once! If only I had the time I would! Sorry to any that read this... I haven't bee myself in ages not that I know who that is anymore I suspect she's somewhere where there are no stresses and life is good.. Ill be that person again one day.. Once I get past whatever this is... and I will I have no doubt of that! It'll be back to happy me! Anyways ill probably be back later... that's not for sure.. Bright spot in day.f mom very graciously and mom like paid to let me download 20 songs on my ipod! That was fun!